WHen Bad Muffin Top Happens to Good Women? Oh Oprah!

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Oh no, O Magazine, did you really sink so low as “When Bad Muffin Top Happens to Good Women?” Yikes. In the January issue of O, The Oprah Magazine, page 111 showcases “Your Biggest Dressing Dilemmas.”

Now this wouldn’t be so bad except these dilemmas are dubbed Muffin Top, Turkey Neck (ouch), Cankles and Pooch.

Worse, some of the advice is downright lame. For turkey neck, which by the way is that wrinkled, loose skin hanging below the chin and neck area problem, and for that you avoid turtle necks and simple pop your collar up! Ok then. Problem solved.

Likewise for muffin top, you simply stop wearing low risers and put on a high-waisted pair of pants!

What about pooch? Briefs with elastic panels in the front. AKA: Spanx.

Then there’s armpit fat…you know that extra flesh in the underarm area that worsens when you go strapless. Here’s a brain fart: Um, don’t go strapless or better, buy a bra that fits right.

How about bat wings, that flabby skin on the underside of the upper arms?  Well, duh simply wear sleeves? Who’d have thunk it?

The best one though is chub rub, which I wasn’t even sure what that was until reading, but it’s apparently when your thighs rub together while walking causing clothing in that area to become worn out and split the seams. Now, split seams, that’s a real problem.

For this, the brilliant solution is thick tights, bike shorts or again, long Spanx under pants.

Honestly O, this was the most wasted eight pages a tree could have fallen for that I’ve seen in quite some time. Oh, and we didn’t even get to cankles, back fat and double boobs, when your boob cup overflows.

I’ll spare ya how to fix those dressing dilemma, ladies. However, you’ll want to skip this article in January O mag.

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About stilettonation

Jennifer Nelson is a writer working on Stiletto Nation: Inside the Perfumed Pages of the Women's Magazine Industry to be published Fall of 2012 by Seal Press. Stop in and read about the great, the awful and the insane in the fragrant pages of the women's glossies.

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