According to Michael Kors: Ten Things Every Woman Should Have!

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October's Allure Mag

I must confess–I like Michael Kors! I really like him. Every week I tune in to Project Runway and find him fashion forward and spot on with his humorous critiques of contestant’s designs and witty banter with Heidi and the panel of judges.

On a recent week he asked one contestant who had designed a fabric skirt that repeated the word cancelled all over it, “what woman wants to walk around with cancelled on her crotch?” I even, dare I say, OWN a few Kors pieces including a great pair of jeans with MK stitched on the ass pocket.

So it disheartens me just a little to rip into October’s Allure mag and voice my discontent with page 108 where Kors lists the 10 Things Every Woman Should Have.

Ok, nothing new here, right?  I expected a LBD, a great pair of leather boots, a cashmere sweater in a pop of color like tangerine or cerulean, the best pair of pumps you can afford, adorable ballet flats, a leather boho bag for all occasions. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG.

None of those been-there-worn-that items even made Kors ten.

Instead, the funny short man of fashion went a wee bit berserk this month.

1. A red T. Anthony duffel bag. Price: $375. Weren’t duffels so last decade? I can think of a lot of other must haves for $375.

2. Michael Kors python ankle boots. Price: $1345. Uh, 1. They’re ugly. 2.  Don’t tell people to buy YOUR shit. Enough said?

3. Audrey Hepburn DVDs, 4. White roses, 5. Golden glow body lotion, 6. A photo book. No problems with these, but I wouldn’t really call any of them must haves.

7. Michael Kors silver cuff. Price: $175. Back to hawking his own shit again.

8. An African Safari. Price: upon request apparently since none is given. All I can say is WTF Michael? An African Safari? That’s the 8th thing a woman must have?

9. A sense of humor. AKA Lucille Ball. Price: priceless. I know Michael had one of those while compiling this piece. That has to explain it.

10. Michael Kors Gold Eau de Parfum. Price: $75. He advises you wear it running out for a gallon of milk.

Oh Michael, why do I feel so soiled? So misunderstood. So let down by this bogus list of mostly MK products with a few non-essential $10K vacays and the like thrown in?

And to top it all off, the lovely pic of MK in the corner of the column has been digitally remastered to show the fashion guru to look about 35, tanned, lean and blonde with nary a wrinkle in sight and about 5 pounds of fat flesh missing from his face.

Can’t decide if I’m more annoyed with Kors himself or Allure for letting the whole thing happen. What ten things do you think every woman should have? Drop me a line.

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About stilettonation

Jennifer Nelson is a writer working on Stiletto Nation: Inside the Perfumed Pages of the Women's Magazine Industry to be published Fall of 2012 by Seal Press. Stop in and read about the great, the awful and the insane in the fragrant pages of the women's glossies.

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